Zero Fatalities, Zero Injured After Hydroflask Falls in Kane

March 5, 2018


Following multiple UW alerts and student evacuations, UWPD has officially announced that Kane is once again safe for student use after the tragic falling of a Hydroflask during a 2:30 lecture. After literally hours of anxiety and panic, the students' loved ones can finally rest easy as the incident miraculously left all involved unscathed and alive.


With the reopening of Kane Hall, school officials are still urging all affected students to visit Hall Health to check on both ear and mental healths. With proper medical attention the victims do have some hope to fully recover physically. Experts at the UW Department of Psychology, however, say that the emotional damages, “could last a lifetime”.


The incident is not alone, with hundreds of cases being reported across campus.


If you go to UW chances are you, or someone you know, has been affected by fallen Hydroflasks. Which begs the question: what can be done to prevent them?


Some blame individual’s need for colder and colder water, while many point to desks that were designed not knowing the extent to which water bottle technology would grow. Whether it means increasing the standards we place on individuals seeking to keep their water absurdly cold in large quantities, or if it means bolstering desks and softening floors in preparation for these bottles falling, it is time that we as a generation acknowledge that these incidents are extraordinarily loud and frightening, but preventable.


Meanwhile, ASUW remains silent on the issue and denied any inquiries into what they are doing to prevent these tragedies. This calls into question the bookstore’s sale of such bottles as a major source of funding for the organization.


How many more times must we as students think that an actual bomb just went off in a library or hall before necessary changes are implemented?


We here at Off Leash are agents of change, and will no longer sit silently. We would like to officially announce that we are UW’s only anti-Hydroflask publication and that we will do everything in our power to stop this disgusting trend of Hydroflasks hitting the ground and making loud, super-scary noises. The time for change is now, and change is needed.


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