Spouse Divorces Professor, Following Course Evaluations

March 11, 2018



Think your finals week is going poorly? 


Well try and put yourself in the shoes of one tenured-professor’s wife, whose life was thrown into total disarray following the mistaken opening of one email her husband had surely hoped would never see the light of day. I sat down with the heartbroken divorcee, armed with sheets of tissue paper and a loving shoulder to cry on, for an exclusive interview.


“Twenty years”, she sobbed,  “Twenty years -- you think you know a guy”. She then thrust her phone towards me, displaying screenshots of the evaluations that had revealed the breadth and severity of his misdeeds.


Her hands trembled as she scrolled through the images on her phone, she tried to contain herself as she revealed the horrid extent of his teaching style.


Oh boy, this guy was a total dud.


“Well, this isn’t even the worst part, it’s just one of the first things I can find right now”, she said in a whimper. “But, like his mean-overall ‘instructor contribution to course content’ was a 1.8”.


Our last update indicates the couple’s five young children will most likely be placed into immediate foster care. If the professor is failing at engaging and teaching a lecture of college students, what irreparable damage could he do to young, impressionable children?


She ended the interview with inspiring hints that she might someday recover and asked us to, “tell her kids it’ll be OK, you know, if you ever see ‘em”.


She did have one final message for University students: “remember that these monsters hide in plain sight and the next time you’re considering ignoring that course eval-email, remember you hold the only means to expose them”.


We tried to contact the professor, but he told us to just attend his “office hours”, which had been canceled that week.


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