Education officials in Washington state recently announced the induction of a new high school alternative, Sprinting Start, a program that sets up UW undergraduate students to earn their Bachelor’s, Master’s, and PhD degrees in three years or less.
This is due to the credits received multiplying in quantity and specificity, maximizing (boundless) potential for what the Washington Education Department dubs the “big ole’ triple triple”.
The program will follow the course of the Running Start program, in which high school students take classes for college credit during high school. This allows the students, once on campus, to take opportunities such as enrolling in upper-division courses before their class-standing peers, as well as emphasizing that they are “technically a Freshman, but a Junior by standing. Maybe even a Senior by now.”
Sprinting Start’s “three-year guarantee” states that, once at UW, undergraduate students who have completed the high school program will be ensured three college degrees in precisely the same amount of time it takes the girl on your dorm floor to decide her major after “discovering herself.”
The debut of the program has seen an overwhelming wave of enthusiasm from prospective students.
High school sophomore Geoffrey Gold said, “my buddy Brad, who I grew up with, always told me that Running Start was the way to go- he was hooking up with seniors from the start of his freshman year, because he could translate his age to the number of credits he came in with. If I participate in Sprinting Start, I’m guessing I can bypass that whole undergrad mess and hook up with MILFS -- I’ve always been a bit of an old soul.”
Concerns have arisen following the disappearance of freshman Stewart Schmitz, the first student to beta test the program. A group of fifth-year seniors seen near the location at the time were unable to provide any useful information. When asked about Stewart, one fifth-year senior said “it’s a shame too, I heard he was going to graduate before us.”