Summer may be over but fall is just beginning here in Seattle! Feeling down and unsure of what to do to avoid your real responsibilities this quarter? Desperately need something to pregame so that you’re not just getting drunk at 9 am, alone, in the rain? We’ve compiled all the hot and bumpin’ Facebook events your friends, classmates, and aunt will invite you to this quarter, so you can be in the know ahead of time. Everyone is “interested” in going, so you know they’re bound to be a good time. See you there Huskies!
October 9th, 12:30 PM:
Come interview patients who’ve undergone brain surgery, as they undergo brain surgery! Network with neurosurgeons and ask them to write your medical school letter of recommendation as they undergo their seventh hour of operating! This enlightening experience doesn’t require good grades or even scrubs, just wear your street clothes and get ready to shmooze!
In response to the uptick in collegiate vapers, the School of Art, Art History, and Design is hosting its first ever Cigarette Giveaway so students finally look “uneasy, unhappy, and cool.” To apply, write your best contemporary visual haiku on the stall wall of the art building’s first floor gender neutral bathroom. Winners chosen by personal bias and connection to judges.
October 15th, 7 am:
A candle”lit” morning bar will be held on the corner of 19th and 47th in remembrance of fallen fraternity, Delta Chi. Come to mourn, cry, and get plastered. This event will provide free Kirkland brand beer to select males and most females, but otherwise bring your own Skoll.
October 20th, 10:15 PM:
The fundrager your Chem 142 lab partner has been planning for months is finally on the horizon! Their band needs money to go play at a club show in Sweden, and they’re too humble to ask you for money outright. You don’t really know their music style, but you think it might be nu-wave post-punk jazz. You might be initially hesitant because the event banner was lime green and had pictures of tarantulas, but who knows? They might have half a keg or $8 shots!
October 30th, 11:11 PM:
Happy Spooktober! On this fun and magical night, come meet the local ghosts and crack addicts on the spookiest street in Seattle: Univeristy Way NE. Guided tour will begin with Shouty Sally in the Safeway lot and end, as all fine nights do, at Aladdin’s.
November 2nd, 7:06 PM:
Celebrate post-post Halloweek with the underground art building spirits of Parnassus. Bring your own Ouija board and Four Loko, underworldly deep house music provided. $6.66 donation requested to attend, waived if you come wearing a cape, raised if you’re not wearing Doc Martens.
November 5th, 8:30 PM:
Prepare to network this winter by updating your firm handshake at this Business RSO’s preparatory dinner, “Firmly Grasp It.” Fun events will include a potluck dinner, a BYOBusiness card contest, a handshake wrestling competition, and lots of whispered judgement about your appearance and prospects in the business world.
November 11th, 3:30 AM:
Need a study break? Pop on over to the silent disco in the East Asia Library, hosted by ASUW as a holdover until next year’s fall fling.
November 17th, 8:30 PM:
Seattle’s animal activists are hosting their first ever vegan-friendly orgy! Lubricant sourced from soybeans will be provided and required, as will soybeans themselves. Come discuss your favorite tofu recipes, and see all your favorite “meats”!
The fourth Thursday of November traditionally brings Thanksgiving Turkey and humble family time. Now that you’re in college, however, Thursdays are for sick frat parties. Neglect your mother and brothers and come drink Everclear in some basement, it’ll be a sweet time.
Marvin, a boy who is always very busy, has already invited you and all his friends to come over to his house on this day because he was able to “pencil you in” his very busy life. He’s studying chemical engineering, and didn’t buy any beer because he intends to get everyone high by sticking forks in electrical outlets.