Where does UW's Generous Endowment Go? Chairs, It Seems

January 16, 2019

 

Students who were left frustrated after learning about the allotment of university money to athletics, computer science, the remodeling of Ana Mari Cauce’s rustic (yet contemporary) ski villa, continued to be devastated when they learned what else their money was being spent on.

 

“After that whole you-guys-should-pay-for-your-TA’s-physical-and-mental-wellbeings thing blew over we figured that the funds we saved there were best spent on our students,” UW President Ana Mari Cauce said. “So far, we have been hard at work finding just the right way to show our students that we care, and by students, I mean business students.”

 

The solution? Chairs— in particular, the Bertoia Diamond Chair. These small wire thread chairs with thin linen cushions, retailing at $1,259, occupy more than one use in the business school, according to the administration.

 

“The chairs we bought for $1,259 are a perfect way to bring together the all-glass walls and multiple fireplaces in Paccar Hall and give it that cozy, yet modern feel you can only get by spending some hard cash, such as $1,259,” Director of the Department of Financial Accounting Cathy Sornberg continued. “It teaches the students that presentation matters. ‘Dress for the job you want and sit in a chair that reflects financial stability that you already have’ is a core tenet of our curriculum here at the business school.”

 

It was after the Bertoia Diamonds had been ordered that the Office of Planning and Budgeting had to make some tough calls. In a publicly released statement, the office said, “We know students from other departments probably want to sit down too, but we’ve spent a significant amount of our budget already, and some sacrifices will have to be made.”

 

To find such sacrifices, one needs only to stroll across Denny Lawn to the Art Building, with its Herman Miller Caper Stacking Chairs. These chairs, found in nearly every room, retail for a measly price of $312 and are a clear example of budgeting wisdom.

 

“Well, we figured that the $312 price point is definitely less than the $1,259,” a representative for the Office of Planning and Budgeting explained, “while still allowing us to fulfill that plastic-with-holes feeling students adore so much.”

 

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