Construction on Population Health Building Will Not be Complete Before End of All Human Life

February 8, 2019

 

Due to continual budget delays and design disputes, the University of Washington’s Population Health Building, which is currently under construction, is not scheduled to be complete before every human life is extinguished from the earth.

 

The Population Health Building was once envisioned as a center where community members could access healthcare in the very same facility where world-renowned University of Washington faculty would conduct research into the medical innovations of tomorrow.

 

However, the building will still be a mere set of skeletal, embryonic walls covered in scaffolding and tarps when an incident of bioterrorism pinpointed to Pyongyang spawns a global pandemic. Construction, already dramatically slowed since the project’s start date in April 2018, will come to a screeching halt as 3 billion people become deathly ill within ten days.

 

The Population Health Building’s earthquake-resistant beams and triple-reinforced windows will serve no purpose except perhaps to convince the last few surviving humans that this structure, the only one standing amid heaps of rubble, had been the home of the gods.

 

The project’s current schedule places the grand opening of the building 87 months after the date on which the last three Homo sapiens’ lives will end due to starvation and complications due to inbreeding. This complication was not and cannot be anticipated by the construction managers.

 

The wooden supports will begin to biodegrade, and the metal and glass components of the building will be reclaimed by creeping tendrils of plants and slowly pulled down into the soil over centuries. Off-Leash estimates that one of the final Population Health Building artifacts to be enveloped by the earth’s crust will be a plaque reading, “For a healthier world.”


 

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