The American Dream: Student Nets $57 Selling Dawg Pack Tickets Purchased With Parents’ Money

February 17, 2019




Bill Gates’ title as the richest PNW resident was challenged late Thursday night as Keaton Grasswood, a junior at the University of Washington, raked in another $4 deposit to his Venmo account. Grasswood, who has spent his fall and winter quarters flipping Dawg Pack student section tickets, has captured stunning returns of $57 for the season.


Keaton commented on his investment strategy, “Buy low, sell high, baby. It’s that easy. Life’s too short for this rat race bullshit that the mainstream media sells to you sheep. Just gotta wake up and stack that paper.”


Some have criticized Grasswood for his unorthodox funding: $1500 deposited from his parents to his Chase savings account at the start of the school year. Keaton fired back, “It’s not a handout, it’s called seed capital. Look it up, dumbass. Ever heard of Investopedia? Papa Grasswood saw an opportunity and got in on the ground floor. Smart man.”


However, things weren’t always so easy for this financial hotshot; the flipper’s lifestyle is not all glitz and glamour. “Some classmates laughed at me for walking to Ballard for a midnight dead drop, but you don’t see them cashing a cool $3.50 from that Tuesday night Oregon State basketball ticket.” He continued, “That’s how you get ahead in this world. Stop whining, start hustling. My boy Gary Vee said that.”


Keaton isn’t one to sit back and rest on his laurels, though. The “Wolf of University Way Northeast” has big plans for the future. “Next year,” he explained, “I”m gonna do it even bigger. You ready for this? Two Dawg Packs. Boom.”


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