Look! There’s that cute person in your quiz section you noticed the first day of class. You’ve caught their eye a few times and maybe they smiled. One day they ask you how you are, your name, or how you felt about the homework. Before you know it you’re making regular small talk. Everything is going perfectly. 

One day, you’re packing up and having a great conversation. You crack a joke, they laugh. They grab their backpack and for the first time you notice a bike helmet clipped to their shoulder strap. You ask them if they bike to school and they say yes. That’s so cool! Very environmentally friendly. As you leave class they ask you where you’re going and it turns out their bike is locked up right outside your next class. You’re excited to walk with them and talk more.

After a lovely 4 minute stroll you arrive at your destination. They point out their bike, it looks sweet. Not that you’d really know anything about the bike by looking at it. You take a deep breath and prepare to ask them if they want to maybe possibly do something this weekend but then …oh no. They unclip their helmet and put it on their head. They turn around and say something to you as they buckle it under their chin. But you don’t hear. You’re too busy trying to take them in with this new accessory. You quickly excuse yourself to head to your next class, shaking.

This starts eating you up inside. So what they wear a bike helmet? If anything they should wear one, it's stupid and unsafe to bike around without one. They need to protect their beautiful face and brilliant mind when they inevitably get absolutely creamed by a self-driving Tesla or an overeager Subaru. But the image of them in the helmet will not get out of your head. They just looked so … DORKY. You shudder. 

You decide you’ve just got to get over it. You really like them and they’re making a responsible decision that, if anything, should make you like them more. But then, something devastating happens. You come back to campus a few days later and you see them, strolling past the HUB, no bike in hand, yet wearing their helmet. What the HELL???? You quickly turn around and scurry off into some shrubbery. Your head is spinning, you feel like you might throw up. Why in god’s name would they be wearing that blue, plastic, monstrosity when they weren’t even anYWHERE NEAR THEIR BIKE!?!?!? What are you going to do? You’ve got to skip your next class or two with them and seriously think this over.