Off Leash on the Road is a new segment that we’re trying where we send a writer to a city and tell them to write about it. This is definitely a real thing that we do and we absolutely have the budget for it. We sent our very own President B.J. to Pittsburgh and here is what he had to say. Enjoy the first edition of Off Leash on the Road, which I definitely didn’t just make up right now…

Us Seattleites sure do love our pits. So much so that we formally recognized Pittsburgh, PA as our official sister city on September 10th, 2001. To continue to foster our understanding of our dear sister city, I recently spent a weekend in Pittsburgh. 

The Pitt (as native Pittsburgers say) is a lot like Seattle. It has a relaxed vibe, reasonably hilly, and a passionate love of sports teams that are just a little bit disappointing. But we are sister cities, not twin cities, so there are some subtle differences. I guess we could be twin cities, if we were like that weird type of twins where one is a boy twin and the other is a girl twin. Or we could be twin cities if our names were “Minneapolis and St. Paul” but that's not the case now is it? 

There is a lack of bathroom doors with pronouns on them in the Pitt. There is no sign saying where a he/they needs to go if he/they needs to piss so hard he/they crack the porcelain. Not even to mention the elusive they/he. You can also find a studio apartment in Pitt for around $900/month as opposed to the Seattle average of $3,800/month.

To really get down into the Pitt, I explored the city to find what there is to do. A must do is riding one of the inclines. “What is an incline?” I hear you asking. Dumbass. What the fuck do you think it is? Sorry about that, it was a long flight and this fella can get kinda cranky on planes. Ok so an incline is like a bus on a hill that goes up and down. It’s sick.

There are more bridges in Pittsburgh than there are in Venice, and there’s a fun game you can play with them called “don’t look at the structural integrity.” Everything is 150 years old and as good as new!

You can also go duckpin bowling. Duckpin bowling is like regular bowling but instead you get three rolls per frame and the bumpers are always up. The ball and pins are also smaller so that “men” that wear size 7 “men’s” shoes can pick up the ball with their little itty bitty hands. The average height in Pittsburgh is approximately 5’3” (160.02 cm).

Pittsburgh is a gorgeous city with absolutely fabulous people. Family is complicated, but Pittsburgh is more than a sister to Seattle. Pittsburgh is that one cousin you always gravitate towards during family gatherings and get plastered with on the Tuesday night before Thanksgiving. It’s a primal and unbreakable bond.