As everyone is aware by now, the top part of the Broken Obelisk (now identified as the malevolent ghost of a student not admitted into their major) has been floating above Red Square for about a week now. It has begun screaming as of Tuesday morning. 

Our team stood beneath the floating half of a statue and attempted a telepathic conversation with them. While none of us has a record of what was said, we’ve collectively pieced together what was communicated. The hunk of metal identified themself as a rejected aeronautical engineering major, Shrimp Gonzales, or their childhood nickname, #{*{<#%^{.  After Shrimp was rejected from their dream major, they died in an act of autoerotic asphyxiation in an attempt to cheer themself up gone horribly awry.

Shrimp laid dormant within the statue for a decade, learning the forbidden knowledge of Cthulhu from the ghost of Arthur A. Denny until they overheard some nerd bragging about how easy it was to get into the aeronautics major, and took to the sky in an ancient fury. Since then, they’ve just been chilling above Red Square, trying to figure out what to do with their afterlife.

When we asked Shrimp about what they thought might come next for them, they let out a long, metallic whine we assumed was a chuckle and expressed an interest in stand-up. Godspeed Shrimp, our all-seeing deity, we wish you well on your journey and will sacrifice a WSU student to gain your merciful favor. 

We strongly urge the public to not replicate our actions, since most of our writers have been losing chunks of hair and coughing up blood and tissue since our last encounter with Shrimp. We do, however, invite you all to join us on our cougar hunt for a sacrifice next Friday evening.