Supreme Court States, “You Can’t Just Take Things Away From Us.”

This past Monday, a draft opinion was leaked from the Supreme Court that proposed to overturn Roe v. Wade, and with it abortion rights. Justices were furious at the leak, and could not understand why this action was taken.

“My body of work, my choice,” said Justice Amy Coney Barrett. “I should be allowed to decide whether I want to allow my document, which by the way is nowhere close to fully developed, into this world.”

Justice Samuel Alito Jr. only recently became aware they were involved. “I just found out I even had a document a couple of days ago. But now somebody decides that I have to take this thing public, without giving me time to think about if I’m ready for that responsibility? That’s pretty messed up.”

“I like beer,” said Justice Brett Kavanaugh.

Justice Clarence Thomas had some strong opinions on the matter. “It’s just not right,” he said. “There’s nothing about abortion anywhere in the Bible I mean Declaration of Independence I mean the complete series of Veggie Tales I mean…” Justice Thomas continued for several hours into the night.

While the draft is not yet final, it appears that a majority of Justices would support the proposal. Justices have declined to comment on whether or not they would approve, though they have stated that “Everyone knows the life of a Supreme Court proposal begins when it is brought to the agenda, not when it is first conceived.”