2020 Revealed To Be Elaborate Banksy Art Piece
J.N.
In a shocking turn of events this past week, the London street artist Banksy came forward as the man behind nearly every major news story of 2020. In a recent Instagram post, Banksy had this to say for himself:
“I don’t keep my identity secret because I want it to be separate from my art. It is because I wish to cover up my crimes of treason, chemical and biological warfare.”
Banksy began to list out a series of shocking events that he played a part in.
“Iranian general Qasem Soleimani was killed on the orders of me because I ran out of things to make art about. Also I thought his name sounded like Queso Salami and I was hungry. I infiltrated the United States department of defense and ordered that fatal drone strike. Honestly, it was more about me being angry that Salami-flavored Queso doesn’t exist rather than any artistic merit.”
Even more shocking is Banksy’s connection to the impeachment trials in early January:
“Donald Trump is a big inspiration for my artwork. I couldn’t let him get out of office or risk losing all of my ideas for the year. I did the only thing I could. I replaced every single senator in Washington with an animatronic robot and had the trials go forward. Mitt Romney going against party lines was actually a glitch in my code. I promise I will do better next time, and sincerely apologize for my lack in accuracy. I am quite impressed however that no one noticed that the entire U.S Senate had been replaced by mindless drones who only serve the interests of more powerful people.”
Even further, Banksy revealed his genius was behind the killer bee population which rocked news headlines earlier in the year.
“Barry Bee Benson is a fucking disgrace to bees. The whole Bee movie made me so mad, and I wanted to do a piece showing what those pesky pollinators are REALLY capable of. Fuck Jerry Seinfeld, he stole my idea for that movie. I swear I had it back in the 90s, it was going to be my magnum opus in filmmaking. So around February I brought a bunch of these killer bees to America to attack Jerry Seinfeld in one of his cars. The piece was going to be called ‘Bitches with Bees getting Bloody.’ The problem came when I started blasting Here Comes The Sun to get the bees to pollinate for my live-action rip-off of the movie: when the song hit the chorus, it blew up my speakers, and all the bees got scared and flew away.”
Even after all of these events, Banksy stated that he did not feel like his project was complete.
“I just knew something was missing. Some big thing that would change everything. I was rewatching the Dark Knight and thought to myself, “maybe if I eat a bat, I too can become a batman.” Unfortunately, I just became patient zero for the coronavirus, so sorry about that, guys.”
As for the recent protests, Banksy had this shocking reveal:
“Not me, America is just racist.”