In an effort to aid student health and well-being, the School of Environmental and Forest Sciences announced the first annual “Touching Grass” event in collaboration with the Foster School of Business. Non Refundable tickets are available online for $50 and the event will be held virtually.
Read MoreWe are all tired of this technocratic dictatorship that has loomed over us our entire lives. There’s always an “expert” on TV or on the news telling us what we can and cannot do; what is “legal” and “illegal.” These disgusting little “scientists” have perverted and soiled safe and healthy activities for no good reason other than to control us.
Read MoreIt happens every time. I’m walking to classes, minding my own business when over the horizon I see it. Fully erect, cut at the tip and usually dripping wet from the early morning mist, it is there. The obelisk.
Read MoreIn an attempt to increase her relatability and goodwill with students, President Ana Mari Cauce has announced her decision to permanently change her title from president to principal. She has already started implementing measures to match her new image such as daily morning announcements and wearing super loose skinny jeans.
Read MoreUW freshman, Noah Johnson, felt deep regret after buying a box of thirty-six condoms at the beginning of the year, thinking he would be having a lot more sex than he currently is. Johnson bought the condoms at the University District Target in late September…
Read MoreAs UW continues the gradual reopening of campus they have sent out various emails to update the student body. One such email came from the office of the registrar, informing students that since class will be in-person for the foreseeable future, they will begin charging full tuition again.
Read MoreThe university’s health center, notorious for great advice like “go ask your other doctor” and “fix your chapped lips by licking them” has come up with yet another sensational idea to combat declining student mental health: group therapy.
Read MoreLocal student Vin Myers has been confirmed as homosexual after hugging his friend for 3.8 seconds, 0.4 seconds past the legal limit for straight men. While Off Leash analysts initially thought Myers could have been operating under special circumstances allowing him to extend the length of the hug (return from military duty, BAC over 0.25), we found no evidence for this. The only conclusion? Vin Myers is a flaming homosexual and wants the world to know it.
Read MoreThe President of the Delta Gamma Kappa Purity Fraternity may have another accomplishment to add to his resume before graduating. Conner Cole, a UW senior, never thought he would be making history this quarter.. However, after testing positive for Covid at the end of Fall quarter, Cole has a chance to set the world COVID infection record with an unprecedented fifth positive test result.
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