A new trend is developing at the University of Washington where students seeking jobs at internship and career fairs are stripping naked and running from booth to booth in the hopes that their act of nudity and public display will set them apart from other candidates.

Former President Donald Trump will become President Lord Commander Trump again on Monday when he is sworn into office for the second time. A leak of Trump’s inauguration address has been acquired by Off Leash News and reads as follows:

EUGENE, Oregon – The Washington Huskies fell to the Oregon Ducks 49-21 on Saturday in their final regular season game of the season. A year after shocking the country with a Sugar Bowl victory and an appearance in the National Championship game, the Huskies had a disappointing season, finishing at a mediocre 6-6. It was not the season first-year head coach Jedd Fisch envisioned when he took the reins in place of the Alabama-bound Kalen DeBoer. 

Halloween is my favorite holiday. It has been since I was a wee lad, dressing up as Obi-Wan Kenobi or a zombie that one time. I was never into candy that much, but I was obsessed with the pageantry of Halloween. I’ve never been so into fashion than when I’m picking out my costume. That zombie costume I mentioned was actually really cool; we burned the edges of my t-shirt, spread charcoal stains on my jacket, and bloodied my face with some blood we found in our backyard. One year I was a hobo, which you can’t do anymore because of the woke left, but I embodied what it meant to be a homeless man as a 10-year old because we were living in a simpler time. I’m not even gonna talk about the time I was a princess.

The University of Washington administration is having a great week. The campus is looking beautiful in its spring greenery and students are super engaged and excited to learn. The administration wants to assure everyone that everything is fine and normal and that nothing is going on out of the ordinary.

The Washington based aviation company, Boeing, has been in the news recently for all of the wrong reasons. From doors flying off their airplanes, maybe definitely killing whistleblowers, and a bunch of other stuff that I don’t want to research, the company’s public image is in a complete free fall. Curiously, however, the University of Washington, this past Monday, named Boeing as the title sponsor of the popular swimming spot and also crew racing course, the Montlake Cut.

On January 7th, the UW community received a hilarious email detailing a new anti-hazing program for all three campuses. What many thought to be a joke turned out to be a serious attempt at eliminating hazing from the university. Students were told to complete a course, titled, “Hazing Prevention 101 – College Edition,” which up to this point only 0.12% of the student body has completed. 

This past September 11th, the IMA opened three new universal locker rooms attached to a 14-lane swimming pool. Huskies of all shapes and sizes were excited to finally use the new facilities after the long construction process, with the exception of one man, Hubert Spice. Normally a locker room enthusiast, Spice was furious with the new changing rules in the locker rooms.

This past weekend, many students from the University of Oregon traveled up to Seattle only to see their beloved Ducks fall to the Washington Huskies 36-33. The flocks of people dressed in green and dehydrated-piss yellow didn’t know what to do with themselves after the football game. Some started binge drinking at Earls, some drove back to Eugene immediately with tears in their eyes, and a few students ended up doing what most ducks do and headed for the water.

The news dropped in August that the University of Washington will be joining the Big 10 athletic conference starting in the Fall of 2024. Washington’s move comes two years after USC and UCLA decided to bail on the Pac-12 and join the Big 10. Erin O’Connell, UW’s interim Athletic Director, made it very clear what motivated the move in the first place.