UW Students Strike, Refuse to Pay Full Tuition

M.J.

This Valentine’s Day Weekend, UW students came together to demand kinder treatment from their beloved institution. Rather than sending their tuition checks as usual, students will be mailing in homemade coupons for various romantic gifts and activities.

Strike leader Hart Smith (’22) commented that “We all love the University of Washington. But sometimes, we feel like the University of Washington doesn’t love us.” Smith then raised a protest sign that read “We Accept the Love We Think We Deserve,” and marched off to write a coupon for one home-cooked, candlelit dinner.

While the coupons range from classics, like breakfast in bed and free backrubs (to be delivered upon vaccination), to more creative options, such as an hour-long Zoom call in which the student will do nothing but continually press the “red heart” reaction emoticon, some protestors are taking things one step further.

“I simply wrote out a coupon for “The Best Damn Dick You’ll Ever Get,” and mailed that baby off to the bursar’s office,” said Ken Phillips (’21). He went on to explain that he feels 1-3 sexual trysts in his off-campus studio apartment should more than satisfy his financial obligation to the university. Still, Phillips knows he’s pushing the envelope. “Much like online learning, sex with me might not be the best fit for everyone,” he admitted. “So, in an effort to be accommodating, I noted that the coupon can also be reimbursed for 5 painting classes. I do stunning watercolors.”

Of course, the students on strike understand that this year has been a strain on all relationships. However, at the core of their protest is the belief that compromise and communication can make a world of difference.