The department of comparative religion announced last Wednesday that it would be introducing a new major: Protestant fear. This is an exciting development and already causing a buzz on campus as huskies everywhere ask “what the fuck is comparative religion?”
Read MoreLast Tuesday, Off Leash News received a surprising email: one from the Red Square itself. For the first time, this floor structure has revealed the epic highs and lows of long-lasting architecture and sentience. The structure reportedly broke its silence after one too many UW Students questioned its shape and Cold-War Era styled buildings.
Read MoreOctober 31st has historically been the date of Halloween, a holiday marked by wearing costumes to school and going door to door with your friends asking for candy. For college students, it means getting as drunk as you possibly can on a Tuesday and throwing up into a pumpkin. It can be difficult to find the line between real Halloween and Halloweekend, which is why first-year Brandon Vang ended up being the only one wearing a costume in his October 31st lecture.
Read MoreIn an effort to prevent students from skipping in-person classes, several professors at the University of Washington are creating a more captivating learning environment by employing a novel educational method: “avoidant attached teaching.” This approach, which has become especially popular in the departments of Communication, Psychology, and Computational Finance and Risk Management, involves a constant alternation between letting students believe that their professors truly care about their education, then suddenly acting as if they are no longer interested. To learn more, we talked to Professor Kat Gyrles, the first UW faculty member to begin using this teaching approach in March of 2021.
Read MoreSaturday, October 20 and Sunday, October 21 marked another year of UW’s annual Family Weekend. Thousands of parents flocked to campus to observe what their children do in their own environment, much like children flock to the monkey exhibit at the zoo to watch them throw feces at each other. Yet instead of throwing shit, these parents watch their children get belligerently drunk at frat BBQs before inevitably leaving a football game halfway through the second quarter.
Read MoreThis past weekend, many students from the University of Oregon traveled up to Seattle only to see their beloved Ducks fall to the Washington Huskies 36-33. The flocks of people dressed in green and dehydrated-piss yellow didn’t know what to do with themselves after the football game. Some started binge drinking at Earls, some drove back to Eugene immediately with tears in their eyes, and a few students ended up doing what most ducks do and headed for the water.
Read MoreA study by degreechoices.com ranked UW as America’s 26th most dangerous college campus, to the dismay of many UW students. It states there were 80 violent crimes committed on campus between 2019 and 2021, including murder, aggravated assault, and robbery. With students returning to campus for the start of fall quarter, this news hits the heart of the student community.
Read MoreCollege is such a defining era of our lives. You learn so much in these four (sometimes more if you have some type of deficiency I suppose) years, it’s quite astounding. While you will no doubt learn content in your classes, learning in these formative years is in no way limited to academia. You will be surrounded by all sorts of different people, likely with much different backgrounds from your own. While much is done to help guide first-generation students and others without sufficient means, there remains one subset of people who are often forgotten about: The Middle Class.
Read MoreYesterday, a mass of over a thousand students gathered in Red Square and marched across campus in protest of the University of Washington’s recent decision to open a Spirit Halloween store in the basement of the Art Building. This controversial venture has started production less than a year after the University closed down its very own Parnassus Café, which had been universally loved by students for over 70 years, and, until recently, had also been the oldest standing coffee shop in Seattle.
Read MoreThe news dropped in August that the University of Washington will be joining the Big 10 athletic conference starting in the Fall of 2024. Washington’s move comes two years after USC and UCLA decided to bail on the Pac-12 and join the Big 10. Erin O’Connell, UW’s interim Athletic Director, made it very clear what motivated the move in the first place.
Your eyes flutter open, wandering around the room and landing on the sunbeam warming your deep purple comforter. Sighing, you look at the ceiling. It’s another day of your roommate, who is also your mom, smoking crack and cigarettes while she yells at you. One thing brings you comfort though. Your poster of Pepsi’s CEO, Ramon Laguarta, hanging right above your HFS emergency exit route sign on the door, gives you a feeling of hope.
Read MoreI owe so many people money. Someday Sallie Mae is gonna kick in those kneecaps and I’ll need to start frying up my own liver as compensation. But for now, I’m not fucking graduating. I’m 26 and I technically don’t need to start scrounging for coin until I graduate. I’m going to be finishing my communications degree until the day I die. But if you don’t have the good sense to just fail public speaking, here are some ideas for how to not be in crippling debt and homeless for the rest of your life.
Dear Shonda Rhimes,
I like many things. I like warm days, chocolate croissants, and when cats know how to open doors. I like laughing, giggling, womanhood, and doing nothing at all. What I don’t like, however, is Queen Charlotte: A Bridgerton Story.
Although it is legally springtime, it is raining. At a time like this, it sure would be nice to whip out an umbrella, but everyone knows how uncool that is. And everyone also knows there is only one thing that can offset that uncoolness: petty theft. But wherever shall you go? The answer lies in the most swagless place in all of the U-District: University Village.
Read MoreDear Off Leash,
I know spring is supposed to be a happy time, a reward for dealing with the months of people trying to be funny with seasonal depression jokes, but I’m dealing with a full-blown identity crisis. The start of spring means the approaching end of the school year, and, as a third year, I now realize a cold new reality: I’ll be both a senior and a senior by credits.
Read MoreA terrible blow has been struck to the Women’s Protection Units (YPJ), the all-female wing of the People’s Protection Units (YPG), which is the armed wing of the Kurdish Democratic Union Party (PYD)– not to be confused with the Free Women’s Units (YJA), the all-female wing of the People’s Defense Forces (HPG), which is the armed wing of the Kurdistan Workers’ Party (PKK)– well, anyway, a terrible blow has been struck.
Read MoreThis week, Texas Governor Greg Abbott sealed up every orifice in his body and died after being told having holes makes him a girl. Colleagues watched him flop on the ground for several minutes, his eyes, ears, nose, mouth, anus, and urethra blocked with concrete sealant before he finally proved his point.
Read MoreThe blossoming of cherry trees, blue skies, and the return of skateboarders to Red Square after their hibernation can mean only one thing: spring is here. But the coming of spring marks not only the end of winter, but the end of a key aspect of many students’ personalities: seasonal depression.
Read MoreThere’s an obvious and hilarious fact that we’ve all been ignoring about spring. Every year, as far back as I can remember, trees bloom around the same time, bringing with them beauty and warmth as well as a living hell for people with mild to severe allergies. As we’re all too aware, humans will go to great lengths to see spring in action, whether it’s a cherry blossom, or another cherry blossom, or even a third cherry blossom.
Read MoreAs a baby, which I am, I have long had considerable interest in the mechanics of “peek-a-boo.” Initially, I thought, “How could this be? The lady is gone, but then she reappears?”
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