UW Decides to End Contract with Starbucks

January 18, 2024 by Lucy I.

A freak accident involving Dubs II left five people injured and two dead on Wednesday morning. The incident occurred during a photo collab between the UW’s mascot and Starbucks Coffee near Drumheller Fountain. Dubs had been licking a double shot of espresso out of an eco-friendly container when a group of students rushed forward to try and pet him, causing him to lash out. All three victims were rushed to the hospital, and two have since died from their injuries.

Opinion: No, Your Roommate Can’t Keep Their Hair Out of the Drain

January 16, 2024 by J.Z.

A silent wave of bigotry has been spreading like wildfire amongst students at the University of Washington, and no one is talking about it. Roommates of all shapes and sizes whisper evil words to one another, and have banded together against a group of people- my people, the hairy ones.

Mysterious Illness Sweeps Through UW Campus Following Night of Sad Drinking

January 11, 2024 by Julia D.

In a shocking press conference Wednesday night, Ana Mari Cauce revealed a mysterious illness has been sweeping through campus following the devastating loss in the National Championship game on Monday. While some students reported symptoms the morning of the 8th, there was a clear spike in cases the morning of the 9th.

Dear Michael Penix Jr., We Love You

January 09, 2024 by J.Z.

After coming up short in the National Championship game to Michigan, many students have been wondering if they should kill themselves. Michael Penix might. Following the game last night, Michael Penix posted on Twitter that “the league was not gonna come knocking” and that he needed to “get his shit together.” As a thank you for the incredible season he gave us, I reached out to Penix via direct message and offered to tutor him for the remainder of his 6th year in college. After spending the past week with him, here’s what I learned.

Opinion: Please Stop Giving me Hanukkah Themed Gifts for Hanukkah

December 08, 2023 by J.Z.

It’s Christmas time, and you know what that means! It’s also Hanukkah, and you already forgot about it. Hey, I forgot too, why do you think this article is a day late? I get it, it’s easy to get wrapped up in all of the excitement of the holiday season, and forget Christmas’s indie little brother. Even if you forgot to wish your Jewish friends a happy first night, that's ok! There’s still seven left and we’re happy to be validated alongside your clearly more mainstream holiday.

I Don’t Know About Sports, but I am for Sure Blacking Out Tonight

December 02, 2023 by Julia D.

I’d like to extend my official congratulations to the Husky football team for beating Oregon not just once, but twice this year. And for winning the championship or whatever. Better to lose to an SEC school where the players will have to face hordes of gun owners if they lose. This win is monumental for the history of the program, marking our first ever 13-0 season, but also for the community as UTI medication flies off those pharmacy shelves to aid those who jumped into Drumheller.

UW Ditches Diversity Requirement in Favor of AR Points

November 30, 2023 by Blake J.

UW’s Dean of Undergraduate Academic Affairs, Edward Taylor, announced last Tuesday that there would be changes coming to the general education requirements needed to graduate. Taylor specified that the English Composition, Writing, Reasoning, and Foreign Language (Polish and Cantanese will be the only languages offered for the foreseeable future) requirements will remain as is. The Diversity requirement however will be replaced with a new Accelerated Reading category.

Man with Saggy Balls Distraught Over New IMA Locker Room Policy

November 28, 2023 by Theo L.

This past September 11th, the IMA opened three new universal locker rooms attached to a 14-lane swimming pool. Huskies of all shapes and sizes were excited to finally use the new facilities after the long construction process, with the exception of one man, Hubert Spice. Normally a locker room enthusiast, Spice was furious with the new changing rules in the locker rooms.

Should You Pardon Your Turkey or Eat That Motherfucker?

November 22, 2023 by A.S.

As Thanksgiving looms closer and closer, so do the death dates of turkeys across the United States. Yet, every year one of the fortunate fowl is spared the grisly fate of its body being desecrated by a high school “Turkey Bowl game through the form of a presidential pardon.

Philosophy Major to Add Oiled Wrestling as Requisite.

November 16, 2023 by M.L.

In a statement released earlier today, the dean of the College of Arts & Sciences, Dianne Harris, announced a plan to restructure the philosophy program here at UW and add new requirements for graduation. The statement gives details about the new academic layout of the major and notes the addition of two 200-level classes to be offered in the spring, but one of the most notable entries is the addition of a required Greek-style oiled wrestling program.

UW Frat Shut Down after Reported Hazing Incident

November 14, 2023 by Julia D.

Greek life has been a longstanding pillar of UW’s campus experience: they provide a sense of community for students who have generational wealth and unlimited Zyn budgets, and they separate the cool kids from the geeds. Yet in recent years, Greek life all over the country has come under fire for abusive hazing rituals like consuming dangerous amounts of alcohol and even bodily harm. And now the beast of hazing is, once again, rearing its ugly head on the UW campus.

Loser Sophomores in Luck: Second Year Interest Groups Coming Soon

November 09, 2023 by Mady B.

Were you a shut-in loser freshman year? Did you somehow manage to not click with a single member of your highly personal FIG? Just an absolute fucking dweebus in general? Well, we have exciting news for you!

UW Department of Religion Announces New Protestant Fear Major

November 07, 2023 by Blake J.

The department of comparative religion announced last Wednesday that it would be introducing a new major: Protestant fear. This is an exciting development and already causing a buzz on campus as huskies everywhere ask “what the fuck is comparative religion?”

Off Leash Exclusive: Red Square Breaks Silence And Tells All

November 02, 2023 by C.H.

Last Tuesday, Off Leash News received a surprising email: one from the Red Square itself. For the first time, this floor structure has revealed the epic highs and lows of long-lasting architecture and sentience. The structure reportedly broke its silence after one too many UW Students questioned its shape and Cold-War Era styled buildings.

UW Student Only One Wearing Costume in Lecture

October 31, 2023 by Julia D.

October 31st has historically been the date of Halloween, a holiday marked by wearing costumes to school and going door to door with your friends asking for candy. For college students, it means getting as drunk as you possibly can on a Tuesday and throwing up into a pumpkin. It can be difficult to find the line between real Halloween and Halloweekend, which is why first-year Brandon Vang ended up being the only one wearing a costume in his October 31st lecture.

UW Professors Adopt New "Avoidant Attachment" Teaching Style

October 26, 2023 by Lucy I.

In an effort to prevent students from skipping in-person classes, several professors at the University of Washington are creating a more captivating learning environment by employing a novel educational method: “avoidant attached teaching.” This approach, which has become especially popular in the departments of Communication, Psychology, and Computational Finance and Risk Management, involves a constant alternation between letting students believe that their professors truly care about their education, then suddenly acting as if they are no longer interested. To learn more, we talked to Professor Kat Gyrles, the first UW faculty member to begin using this teaching approach in March of 2021.

Heartbreaking: This Guy’s Parents Didn’t Come to Family Weekend

October 24, 2023 by Julia D.

Saturday, October 20 and Sunday, October 21 marked another year of UW’s annual Family Weekend. Thousands of parents flocked to campus to observe what their children do in their own environment, much like children flock to the monkey exhibit at the zoo to watch them throw feces at each other. Yet instead of throwing shit, these parents watch their children get belligerently drunk at frat BBQs before inevitably leaving a football game halfway through the second quarter.

Confused Oregon Students Found Cleaning Themselves in Montlake Cut

October 18, 2023 by Theo L.

This past weekend, many students from the University of Oregon traveled up to Seattle only to see their beloved Ducks fall to the Washington Huskies 36-33. The flocks of people dressed in green and dehydrated-piss yellow didn’t know what to do with themselves after the football game. Some started binge drinking at Earls, some drove back to Eugene immediately with tears in their eyes, and a few students ended up doing what most ducks do and headed for the water.

UW Ranked 26th Most Dangerous College Campus

October 13, 2023 by Julia D.

A study by degreechoices.com ranked UW as America’s 26th most dangerous college campus, to the dismay of many UW students. It states there were 80 violent crimes committed on campus between 2019 and 2021, including murder, aggravated assault, and robbery. With students returning to campus for the start of fall quarter, this news hits the heart of the student community.

A Middle Class Guide to College

October 10, 2023 by Blake J.

College is such a defining era of our lives. You learn so much in these four (sometimes more if you have some type of deficiency I suppose) years, it’s quite astounding. While you will no doubt learn content in your classes, learning in these formative years is in no way limited to academia. You will be surrounded by all sorts of different people, likely with much different backgrounds from your own. While much is done to help guide first-generation students and others without sufficient means, there remains one subset of people who are often forgotten about: The Middle Class.