Opinion: Lime Scooters Need to be More Deadly

Like everyone else on this campus addicted to microtransactions, I really, really loved the addition of Lime scooters to Seattle. Despite my excitement, however, there’s always been something troubling me about these products. Each year that I expect my fears to be addressed in equipment upgrades, I'm continually disappointed. Beneath the surface of their everyday usage, I’ve started seeing many people push these scooters to do things they were never meant to do in ways that the founders could have never anticipated. And there’s the issue of helmets and protective gear—when can we start realizing that these scooters were made for a demographic that has no idea how to use them properly?

Since I’ve heard the following statement from a nurse, my perspective on these scooters have been tainted: the emergency room she worked at saw on average two massive, life threatening injuries a day—and those numbers should be terrifying to anyone. Think of all the times someone hops on a Lime scooter, starts it up, and ends up somewhere they never would have expected… that’s right, I’m talking about actually arriving at a destination WITHOUT dying horrifically. When Lime invested in Seattle to provide cost effective ways to send yourself careening into traffic or breaking your legs backwards flying off a bridge, I could’ve never imagined the levels of misuse I see every day. Only fourteen life threatening injuries a week should be shameful for a multimillion dollar company capable of massacring hundreds, if not thousands of students at the same time.

That’s why I’ve taken the decision to boycott all Lime scooters until they provide reasonable, quality of life upgrades, like boosting its e-scooter capabilities to electrocute you while riding, or precautionary spikes on the handlebars in case you fall off the scooter in an otherwise non-fatal position. Until then, I would advise all students looking to be killed in a timely and reasonable fashion while moving across campus to try my preferred alternative: crossing the street on Greek row.