Concerning: Homeless Man on the Ave Clearly has a Poli-sci Degree

Nestled between blankets on the Ave, a living, breathing, and occasionally ranting emblem of the modern job market can be found. Local homeless man “Poli-Sci Pete” is 47 years old, unemployed, alcoholic–and a graduate of the University of Washington's political science Ph.D program. Poli-Sci Pete, who quickly became a campus celebrity following his discovery, has not been met with enthusiasm by all members of the student body.

“Needless to say, this doesn’t bode well,” says second year political science student Evan Krebs, “I’ve already had enough anxiety as it is about the job market once I graduate. Is this really what ten years of higher education will get me? I might as well go out and buy a gun right now.”

Meera Roy, the Director of Academic Services for UW’s Political Science department, attempted to quell these fears by issuing a statement. “We can assure students that homelessness is not the standard outcome for political science majors. It is only reserved for the worst-case scenarios of career mismanagement, such as corporate lawyers,” Roy assures. All this was, presumably, said while she frantically removed the “Career Services” tab on the school website.

Dr. Althea Finch, Chair of the Political Science Department, similarly dismissed concerns. “Mr. Pete is a testament to the powerful, critical thinking skills we foster here at UW. His current… lifestyle… is a form of radical, non-state-centric political expression. We consider him a sort of adjunct professor of Urban Post-Modernism. His dissertation was surviving a Seattle winter, which, I assure you, is far more rigorous than anything you’ll find in a classroom.”

When Pete was asked to comment on his situation, he replied, “They’re all just reinforcing the very structures they claim to critique. Also, the squirrels here are a non-state actor with a surprisingly effective foreign policy. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a seminar to attend.” He then wandered off to the nearby Safeway, presumably to take a bathrobe-open nap in the middle of the sidewalk.