Gas Leak in Haggett Leads to Formation of J.K. Rowling Club
A few weeks ago, the community of the University of Washington received the rare UW alert about a gas leak, albeit a non-threatening one, occurring at the construction site of Haggett Hall. The situation was resolved in a reasonable amount of time, and a second UW alert confirmed that no one had died or been seriously injured. Recently, this conclusion has been called into question.
Days after passing by the construction site on the day of the leak on her way to class, junior student Anya Tittur began to notice a headache, which she brushed off as a typical side effect of her unusually high Alani consumption and the asbestos in McMahon. In the following week, amidst her growing irritability and fatigue, Anya began posting on the University YikYak page about some of her controversial beliefs. One such post reads:
“It’s so telling that the only campus club related to Harry Potter has been co-opted by the insane woke mob, who insist upon every occasion that they have no association with the very successful J.K. Rowling. This disgusting denial of the woman who built their childhood is quite surprising from the so-called ‘tolerant left.’ No matter what you say, wizards can NOT become witches, and they should NEVER be allowed in a witch’s bathroom.”
While this post mostly got downvoted into hell, another user directly messaged Tittur expressing support for her views and resolve. The two later met up in person in PACAAR hall barely a day later. This user, who was later discovered to be a 35-year-old construction worker who spent hours in and around Haggett Hall, pushed Tittur to find community among other people who shared her beliefs. He then asked for her phone number.
Inspired by this conversation, Tittur immediately moved to form a third space for those like herself and founded the campus J.K. Rowling Club. In a statement on this move posted to the club's Instagram account (which is mostly filled with AI posts of Harry joining the Death Eaters), Tittur said:
“Are you a freedom-loving American tired of the appropriation of Harry Potter by braindead commies? Tired of politics being pushed onto the story you love? We are too. Harry Potter is centered around traditional family values and the love of Christ the Redeemer, and it’s time for the fans to reflect that. As J.K. Rowling fights the good fight against the [slur], let’s stand by her and support REAL women.”
As of now, the only statements made by the club that mention women have been those slamming transgender people, while otherwise most content has been about the members of the male cast (with a particular emphasis on Snape). Furthermore, though still in its infancy, the club has already announced a collaboration with the UW chapter of TPUSA, which is still recovering from the heartbreaking (and obviously very real) threats they received in the form of people being mad at them for making light of the murder of a trans student. Forced at gunpoint to cancel their event platforming violent hatred of trans people, the group has pivoted to winning the Harry Potter culture war.
In an independent study conducted by our Off Leash research team, we found that every member involved in the JK Rowling Club has had exposure to the gas leak and has gone untreated. While it remains unclear how Husky Health plans to tackle this growing epidemic, the university has taken the first step of blocking YikYak access while on the university's Eduroam wifi. Additionally, counseling and mental health resources have been provided for members of the Harry Potter Club who have been exposed to the horrendous gas-prompted takes spread across social media, or are still waiting for their Hogwarts acceptance letter at the ripe age of 23.