The news dropped in August that the University of Washington will be joining the Big 10 athletic conference starting in the Fall of 2024. Washington’s move comes two years after USC and UCLA decided to bail on the Pac-12 and join the Big 10. Erin O’Connell, UW’s interim Athletic Director, made it very clear what motivated the move in the first place.
Your eyes flutter open, wandering around the room and landing on the sunbeam warming your deep purple comforter. Sighing, you look at the ceiling. It’s another day of your roommate, who is also your mom, smoking crack and cigarettes while she yells at you. One thing brings you comfort though. Your poster of Pepsi’s CEO, Ramon Laguarta, hanging right above your HFS emergency exit route sign on the door, gives you a feeling of hope.
Read MoreI owe so many people money. Someday Sallie Mae is gonna kick in those kneecaps and I’ll need to start frying up my own liver as compensation. But for now, I’m not fucking graduating. I’m 26 and I technically don’t need to start scrounging for coin until I graduate. I’m going to be finishing my communications degree until the day I die. But if you don’t have the good sense to just fail public speaking, here are some ideas for how to not be in crippling debt and homeless for the rest of your life.
Dear Shonda Rhimes,
I like many things. I like warm days, chocolate croissants, and when cats know how to open doors. I like laughing, giggling, womanhood, and doing nothing at all. What I don’t like, however, is Queen Charlotte: A Bridgerton Story.
Although it is legally springtime, it is raining. At a time like this, it sure would be nice to whip out an umbrella, but everyone knows how uncool that is. And everyone also knows there is only one thing that can offset that uncoolness: petty theft. But wherever shall you go? The answer lies in the most swagless place in all of the U-District: University Village.
Read MoreDear Off Leash,
I know spring is supposed to be a happy time, a reward for dealing with the months of people trying to be funny with seasonal depression jokes, but I’m dealing with a full-blown identity crisis. The start of spring means the approaching end of the school year, and, as a third year, I now realize a cold new reality: I’ll be both a senior and a senior by credits.
Read MoreA terrible blow has been struck to the Women’s Protection Units (YPJ), the all-female wing of the People’s Protection Units (YPG), which is the armed wing of the Kurdish Democratic Union Party (PYD)– not to be confused with the Free Women’s Units (YJA), the all-female wing of the People’s Defense Forces (HPG), which is the armed wing of the Kurdistan Workers’ Party (PKK)– well, anyway, a terrible blow has been struck.
Read MoreThis week, Texas Governor Greg Abbott sealed up every orifice in his body and died after being told having holes makes him a girl. Colleagues watched him flop on the ground for several minutes, his eyes, ears, nose, mouth, anus, and urethra blocked with concrete sealant before he finally proved his point.
Read MoreThe blossoming of cherry trees, blue skies, and the return of skateboarders to Red Square after their hibernation can mean only one thing: spring is here. But the coming of spring marks not only the end of winter, but the end of a key aspect of many students’ personalities: seasonal depression.
Read MoreThere’s an obvious and hilarious fact that we’ve all been ignoring about spring. Every year, as far back as I can remember, trees bloom around the same time, bringing with them beauty and warmth as well as a living hell for people with mild to severe allergies. As we’re all too aware, humans will go to great lengths to see spring in action, whether it’s a cherry blossom, or another cherry blossom, or even a third cherry blossom.
Read MoreAs a baby, which I am, I have long had considerable interest in the mechanics of “peek-a-boo.” Initially, I thought, “How could this be? The lady is gone, but then she reappears?”
Read MoreWhen they bloom, UW’s cherry blossom trees possess an almost unworldly beauty, rivaled only by the likes of Cleopatra and Iggy Azalea. However, like Cleopatra and Iggy Azalea, the cherry blossom trees can be dangerous.
Read MoreOn June 11th, 2022, I graduated from the University of Washington, and from my role as President of Off Leash News. The position was inherited by members of the publication that I knew would love and respect the role and its responsibilities. They were smart, funny, and kind. Things were in safe hands.
Read MoreHouse shows have been an integral part of the U District for a long time, I think. Every weekend, multiple venues host small local bands so that UW students can use music as an excuse to get piss drunk enough to not think about the years they’ll need to spend in this godforsaken institution. These gatherings also invite a culture of “fashion” and “rejection of mainstream society,” but individuals who subscribe to these alternative ideals seem to spend most of their time shitting on other people doing the same thing as them. Regardless, the administration has decided it has had enough.
Read MoreAre you going to a beach this spring break? Somewhere warm? Like San Diego or Cabo? What are you, some kind of bitch? Yeah, that’s what I thought. At Off Leash, we aren’t bitches. We smoke cigarettes and eat rocks for breakfast.
Read MoreParents are already raising concerns about the amount of gratuitous nudity in the new Frog and Toad series set to premier on Apple TV. A recent statement on Twitter by Nat Faxon, the voice of Frog, asserted that “They’re animals. They’re not supposed to wear clothes.”
Read MoreAs Spring approaches, many students begin to dream of graduating, soaking up some sun, and no longer wanting to eat glass. After all, it is the season of renewal. But fantasies of escaping this well financially, but poor penisly, endowed institution may soon be squashed for the class of Spring 2023.
Read MoreFor years, student protests against UW’s ties with exploitative companies have fallen on deaf ears. Student campaigns failed to stop UW spending millions on prison-made dorm furniture, allying with war profiteer Boeing, and currently, from improving atrocious Local Point working conditions.
Read MoreA recent stabbing in the U-District is proving difficult to solve as police try to track down the suspect. The stabbing occurred late last Thursday night on some irrelevant numbered street, where the victim was hit right below the ribs and is now recovering poorly in the hospital.
Read MoreUniversity of Washington's Husky Film Club is facing backlash after it was revealed that they were forcing prospective members to choose between a purple pill and a gold pill.
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