45% of UW Student Population on Suicide Watch After Smiling Friends Cancellation

The Ancient Stoics believed that ekpyrosis, an ancient and divine fire, would engulf the universe. Norsemen died with weapons in hand so that they might rise again to fight in Ragnarok, the last battle. Aztec priests pulled the still beating hearts from captured warriors to prevent the end of time. Truly, Mankind has always been haunted by the inevitability of apocalypse. 

Yet no prophet could have foreseen when the end would come, nor what form it would take. No great omens preceded its coming. On February 25th, 2026, there was no dramatic battle nor divine fire. The end of the world came not on the back of a falling star or the fang of a giant serpent. It was a whisper. A deadly proclamation. 

“Smiling Friends” to End After Third Season

God, do you relish in the suffering of your creations? 

Shortly after the proclamation was made, UW officials rushed to lock the McMahon balconies. It was already too late. Several dozen students had already leapt to their deaths. To the north, Greek Row succumbed to flames. Some victims were said to have refused to flee, choosing the kinder fate of burning than to face the dawn of the new world.