“Don’t Worry About It” Says White House After Trump Vomits Swarm of Locusts During Presidents Day Speech

In the midst of his Presidents Day Address, failed casino magnate and current President Donald J. Trump suddenly unhinged his jaw in a snakelike fashion and vomited out thousands of locusts. The swarm proceeded to violently devour the White House Press Corps and seven Secret Service agents, but left President Trump untouched.

The White House has responded to backlash over the mass supernatural loss of life calling the incident "completely overblown” and saying the Press Corps “likely deserved it.” They also claimed that President Biden unleashed far more swarms of locusts than President Trump, although these claims could not be verified.

The White House has also insisted that President Trump's speech in which he said, “a great violence must be unleashed so we can tear through the thin veil that we call reality and transcend beyond the flesh,” has been misrepresented by mainstream media.

Despite the official statement, sources within the White House tell us that Trump’s cabinet feels betrayed. One key member of the administration reportedly said, “I don’t understand what’s happening. I got into this for the fascism, not some sort of supernatural apocalypse.” As for the Democratic Party's response, Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer said Trump’s locust-based devastation “clearly exhibited a lack of decorum” and declined to comment further.

Since giving his speech, President Trump has been seen carving massive hieroglyphics in the White House front lawn. Sources claim that at some point during this landscaping project, President Trump tore out both of his eyes and started speaking in tongues, but this has been denied by the White House.

While this turn towards worship of the old gods has alienated some Republicans, most remain in support of the President. Turning Point USA has even gone so far as to offer up their half time show star Kid Rock as a human sacrifice, should the need arise.