Opinion: We Should Be Arming the DM Cashiers

It’s an open secret that the UW District Markets are the perfect place to go to steal your mid-lecture drink. While I’ve legally been advised not to openly endorse this practice, shoplifting from the DM is an integral part of being a UW student. But with theft so rampant, something must be done so that the brave student cashiers don’t have to idly stand by as their hard-stocked goods are escorted out of the store without payment. Thus, I think we should start giving them guns. 

There are a lot of justifications people give for shoplifting from the DM: the markups are so outrageous it’s simply a way of getting even, UW is already borderline criminal with their distribution of dining dollars, and it’s simply easy to get away with. But those justifications will quickly dry up once they see their fellow student take a hollow point to the dome for attempting to smuggle a zero sugar Red Bull past the register. 

While I don’t think that this will eliminate theft entirely, it’ll definitely cut down on frivolous shoplifting. If you’re never going to get caught, of course it makes sense to steal everything you can get your hands on; but if there are consequences being imposed you might think twice before giving yourself a five finger discount. If you really need that coffee and Uncrustable for your 8:30 that’s your prerogative, but with the threat of being switched down in front of your friends and peers by the twink that works the pastry counter looming over your head, you’d better be damn sure that it’s worth it.