Your Dog Needs an Orca Card

Sound Transit recently announced that all canine transit passengers will now be required to have their own Orca card in order to ride. This announcement comes in the wake of controversy over Sound Transit’s $32 Billion deficit.

“Our organization has faced a lot of criticism over our efforts to close this budget deficit,” Sound Transit Director Thomas T. Rain commented during a press conference. This is in reference to the many AI-generated Sketchers ads found across every light rail station around the Puget Sound. Such ads are frequently graffitied or defaced with the words “AI Slop.”  

“We initially ran the AI Sketchers advertisement campaign to raise funds for our Link expansion plans. However, Sketchers is so cheap that they don’t even pay us anymore. The ads just keep getting put back up every time someone rips them down.” 

That’s where the Canine Orca cards come in. 

“Our rider reports show that over 1.1 million dogs ride our buses and trains every year. This is a major untapped financial opportunity.”

Each Canine Orca card will cost the low price of $14,000. Assuming every dog gets an Orca card at this price, there would still be a $16.6 billion deficit remaining. However, Sound Transit has a plan for that. 

Seattle sees over 1.2 million furries using public transit every year, especially during the Anthro Northwest Furry Convention.

“Along with dogs, furries will also be required to get a Canine Orca Card. If you have a tail, you need to pay the appropriate fare!”

“Sound Transit is confident that with these small tweaks, we can close our deficit and deliver our timely Link expansions by our goal date of 2050.” 

While these changes are anticipated to result in the removal and proper burial of the AI Sketchers ads, the artwork on the Canine Orca Cards was generated using Grok.