History Department Unveils New African History Course Taught by a White Guy
As the world shifts to become more globalist and connected thanks to modern capitalism and the internet, more and more students are beginning to demand courses that reflect that trend in their universities. The Department of History at the University of Washington has stepped up to meet that call, and will be introducing a handful of new courses that students can take.
HSTAFM 420, Colonization of the African Continent in the Twenty-first Century, will be one of those courses offered this coming Autumn quarter. The course will be taught by renowned British scholar Dr. Boer Wharton, who has spent most of his life researching the effects of Dutch and British colonialism in South Africa and living in his humble abode in Orania. While this course falls under the History Department, non-history majors can also take it by signing up for its equivalent class, B A 667, Methods of Modern Colonization to Get Rich Quick.
“I’ve noticed that in universities throughout the United States, colonization was always presented as this terrible, morally reprehensible practice that has decimated much of the cultures, societies, and economies of the societies who have fallen victim to it,” Dr. Wharton states during a brief press conference hosted by TPUSA, “while you are free to have that opinion, I believe that this course offers a new perspective: colonization wasn’t really that bad, and we should actually be colonizing more these days.”
The question of whether modern colonization exists continues to be heavily debated, with proponents citing China’s numerous deals with African nations to build railroads in exchange for natural resources and the state of Israel as examples. When our Off Leash representative brought this up to Dr. Wharton, he disagreed.
“I wouldn’t consider those instances as colonization. Are they exploitative? Yes, and I commend them for that, but I don’t think they take themselves nearly as seriously as, say, the Dutch East India Company. Ask me again when they start doing military takeovers of the native land—oh, Israel’s already doing that? That’s bloody awesome.”
Most students didn’t feel one way or another about this announcement, albeit most students on campus generally don’t think about the History Department apart from the Roman Empire course that’s offered once in a while.
“I usually don’t really care about history,” says second-year aerospace engineering major Nathan Grumman, “but I signed up for that class because I think I’ll learn a lot of really interesting facts about, like, Africa and South Asia and stuff. I’ll also get some ideas to pitch to my interviewers at Boeing.”
“Every single time I try to find a course to take about South America, Asia, or Africa, it’s almost always taught by a white person,” notes third-year history major Fyrstname Lastnyme. “History is a collection of ever-changing perspectives, and someone who grew up in a culture will have a different interpretation of its history than someone who didn’t. I don’t care if you’re fluent in Mandarin, Sanskrit, Zulu, or whatever—you’re still teaching something you’ll never fully understand. Go do something more productive with your time, like starting a youtube channel with videos like ‘Locals are SHOCKED by a White Boy Speaking PERFECT Gujarati!’ or going to North Sentinel Island to convert the natives. God!”
Other courses that will eventually be offered include HSTLAC 123: Why CIA Intervention Wasn’t That Bad and HSTAS 189: Imperial Japan in WW2 Reimagined as a Shonen Anime, taught by your local Gamestop employee.